Your Inner Voice, Your Judgement

Originally Published on Medium - July 26, 2018

Have you ever just sat and looked at the people you know, and allowed yourself to have your honest thoughts about what you thought about them?

It is tough for many people to do, or at least uncommon. First, you are often to involved in what is going on. You are at an event, you are with friends, you are engaging and experiencing whatever it is that is going on; that is good.

I have recently become more of an introvert, and thus a wallflower. I enjoy being on the side and observing what is going on, but with that comes thoughts. What those thoughts are fundamentally says a lot about who you are. Some people will watch and just be overcome with what is going on, but what if it was pretty low-key. What if you just sat and stared at five of your friends for an hour, what would come up for you?

It is difficult to know in advance, because thoughts are often so raw and true. But the way you think about your friends is very reflective of who you are as a person, and how happy you are in your life. Giving yourself the time to actually think about that can be terrifying, and transformative.

Would you sit there and just think about how great they all are, how lucky you are to be a part of their lives? Or would you sit and judge them, thinking about the flaws in their appearance, in their profession, in their personal lives. If all you can think about is the negatives, then you have to ask yourself, why are you friends with them in the first place.

Why would you be friends with someone who you view as inferior to you? Or perhaps you just need to feel superior to someone? Why would you be friends with someone who you think is hard to look at, or perhaps you need someone to make yourself feel better about your appearance? These are difficult questions to ask, let alone answer, but I have found it is a very important step on the journey to self-fulfillment.

Either you are pleased with your peers, or you are not. Either it is them, or it is you. Often, it is obviously you. If you judge the people around you, the problem is almost always actually you. They aren’t career focused enough, or perhaps you are too career focused. They don’t care enough about their appearance, or perhaps you care too much. The thing is, if they are able to be in that group, sit and only think positive thoughts about the people surrounding them, that is pretty much all that matters. They are doing better than you.

The way you think about people is the same way you think about yourself. The more you judge people, the more you judge yourself. It is much more difficult to listen to your thoughts about yourself, so it is an interesting practice to try and listen to your thoughts about other people. If you notice that those thoughts are consistently negative, or even majorly negative, you are clearly not in the right environment. But there are two factors contributing to that environment, there is them, and then there is you.